


i'm so sorry ; a leebury oneshot

by georgewashingmachine



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Nothing is graphic at all though, Oneshot, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-07 10:15:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11056860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/georgewashingmachine/pseuds/georgewashingmachine
Summary: Samuel Seabury can't take the news.Charles Lee is dead.((content warning: mentions of death and suicide, but nothing is graphic))





	i'm so sorry ; a leebury oneshot

**Author's Note:**

> HI I'M NOT DEAD TAKE THIS LEEBURY ANGST

“I’m so sorry,” whispered a sadly smiling Samuel Seabury.  
“I’m so sorry, so I wrote you this.”  
Sam looks down at the paper he had in his hands, barely seen in the light of the midnight moon. But it was truly unreadable because the edges were crumpled from holding onto the fragile parchment too hard in an attempt to stop shaking hands. There were tear stains that had smudged the ink while writing. The words were almost illegible because Sam’s hands were shaking too hard when he wrote it just earlier that night.  
But he still read it anyway.

“Dear Charles Lee,  
You’ll never get this note. Not really. I can read it to you, but you’ll never truly hear it. And for that, I am sorry.  
You’ll never read any of my writing again. Not really. I can read it to you, but I’ll never be able to see your face light up at my words. And for that, I am sorry.  
I’ll never see you smile. Not really. I can imagine the smile breaking through your usually frowning face simply at the thought of me, but I’ll never be able to truly see it again. And for that, I am sorry.  
I’ll never see you cry. Not really. I can imagine the tears running down your face as I tell you that everything will be okay, but I’ll never be able to comfort you again. And for that, I am sorry.  
We’ll never see each other again. Not really. I can come here and speak to you like you’re still here, but you’ll never be able to see my face again and I’ll never be able to see yours. And for that, I am sorry.  
I never got to tell you how much I love you. I never got to kiss you one last time. And I’ll never get those things back. And I’m so, so sorry.  
But do you know what I’m really sorry for?  
I’m sorry it was you. I’m sorry it wasn’t me. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to see it. I’m sorry I got the news. I’m…I’m sorry.”

Sam couldn’t help it—he couldn’t finish it. He couldn’t finish reading. He was attempting to stutter out words, but he couldn’t, not while he was shaking so hard he couldn’t stand, while he was crying and gasping for air, while he was screaming and choking and spluttering and coughing on his own words, on his own tears, on his own breath. 

Sam never calmed down that night. Not really. He could catch his breath, and stop his tears, and stop shaking, and stop screaming NO and I’M SORRY and I LOVE YOU over and over and over again, but he would never truly be okay. And for that, he was sorry.

“I’M SORRY!” screamed a hysterical Samuel Seabury at one in the morning, clawing desperately at the cold headstone and thinking This isn’t real, this can’t be happening, please tell me you’re alive. 

“I’m sorry.” choked out a sobbing Samuel Seabury at two in the morning, shivering and shaking as the realization hit him that Lee was dead.

“I’m so sorry.” whispered a broken Samuel Seabury at three in the morning, attempting to take his own life.

“I’m so sorry.” sobbed a heartbroken Samuel Seabury at four in the morning, knowing Lee wouldn’t want his life to end, not like this.

“I’m so sorry.” whispered a healing Samuel Seabury the next year, who was still absolutely broken over Lee’s death, but happy that he had not taken his life at this very moment one year ago.


End file.
